I had just taken my seat on a plane from Aspen to Denver. During the short flight, I introduced myself to the woman sitting next to me, even though I don’t usually talk to people on planes. She was in her 30s and beautiful.

“How was your trip to Aspen?” I asked her.

“Our trip was great. I came with my husband and two children to do some business. They are two rows back. My husband offered to take the kids so I could have a peaceful flight,” she smiled and told me.

“What were you doing in Aspen?” I asked, making small talk as the plane began to take off.

She told me she sold jewelry, and some of her clients had asked her to come to Aspen and show them her new line.

She asked me, “What did you come here for?”

I explained that I lived in Aspen but traveled a lot and was off to Denver to do business.

“What do you do in Aspen?” 

“Well, I manage some properties and am a mother of three children, but they are all out of the house, so I have traveled the world and enjoyed myself, along with doing some volunteer work locally and in Africa. I am also writing a book,” I answered.

“Wow, tha

t’s awesome. What is your book about?” she asked inquisitively.

I told her the premise of my book, and that’s when I got that slight head tilt and smile. I was familiar with that look and knew a story was about to be told.

She looked over her shoulder to ensure her husband wasn’t looking and then said quietly to me, “I know what that’s like.”

I was curious and encouraged her to continue.

“My husband makes a good living, but I sell expensive jewelry to very wealthy women. Just this weekend, I made $70,000,” she whispered to me. 

“My husband loves me and wants me to be successful, but I would not dream of telling him how much I made this weekend. It would crush him. He doesn’t make that kind of money as quickly as I do.”

As I listened to her speak, I wondered if the shoe was on the other foot—and he was pulling in that kind of money over a weekend in Aspen—I am sure he would tell her. They would high-five each other and have a glass of champagne.

The situation didn’t appear to bother her much, and I believe they had a good marriage, but it made me wonder why he could probably tell her about making a lot of money over the weekend when she couldn’t.

I knew the answer. It is often not okay for women to out-earn their partners, even today. I wrote this story at least six years ago, and since then, the landscape around women making more than their male partners has been a hot topic of discussion worldwide. In some relationships, it is okay for women to outearn their partners. Still, since this conversation, I have a lot of evidence and have heard many similar stories about how conversations with female bread earners don’t always go so well. 

Are you experiencing this dynamic in your relationship? Please reach out to me on my website at suzanneleydecker.com